


I’m afraid of the things in my brain

by tiredd_writer



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 01:11:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16052360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiredd_writer/pseuds/tiredd_writer
Summary: i just want to feel good





	I’m afraid of the things in my brain

I truly believe everyone in my life hates me. I mean, how could they not? I’m ugly and selfish and worthless and stupid and just not enough. I have never been enough I am not enough, my friends all hate me everyone hates me I know they don’t say it but I feel it when they look at me.   
I want to die. Not in the laugjing kind of way people say when they have some work they don’t want to do, in the way that it feels like I can’t take a breath and relax. My body hates me, I swear it hates me. I’m nauseas, I feel so sick all the time, my head hurts. My legs give out when I have panic attacks now.   
I want to get better, I want to wake up and feel ok. I’m sick of feeling numb and then so much. I get so sad and so angry, but mostly sad. Living feels like such a burden that I wish I didn’t have.   
I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want it. I want to be fine. I want to enjoy things again. Nothing I do makes me happy anymore. It’s like a constant circle of me doing things out of obligation. I used to love guard and drawing and singing and dancing and reading and learning but I just don’t. I don’t feel that joy anymore.   
You know when someone says you don’t know what you have until it’s gone? That phrase summarizes how I feel. I miss having fun. I miss feeling good. I miss not having a panic attack everyday. I miss not wanting to die. I miss being able to get up in the morning. I can’t get out of bed some days. I physically can not get myself out.   
I know all of this is a lot, and if you’re reading this I don’t want you to feel upset. If you aren’t feeling good please reachout to someone.   
I feel sick. Just so sick so very sick I’m sick I’m so sick. You don’t understand how sick I feel. The thibg that bothers me the most is that I have no reason to feel this way. I’m so dramtic why can’t I just be normal. Why can’t I feel ok?   
I just want to be ok.


End file.
